I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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