I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
