His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
