I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
