I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
