Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
