I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
