that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
