But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
