he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
