wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
