If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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