I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
