Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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