The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
