I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
