White coat. Heels.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize