it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
