And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
