She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
