I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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