im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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