i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
