what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
