You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
