I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
