I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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