9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
