shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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