I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
