u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
