is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
