I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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