A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
