Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
