We won't sleep together?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize