i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
