I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
