.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
