someone get that fucking seahorse.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
