WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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