She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
