I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
