im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
