she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
