hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
