I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
