She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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