The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
