Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize