i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
