I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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