Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
