I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize