In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
