found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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