you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
