yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize