Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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