I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
