omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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