All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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