and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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