How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
