ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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