Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
