she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
