College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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