Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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