He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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